The Essential Seven Tips for Parents Dealing with Peer Aggression

1. Do listen attentively to your child’s stories and ask thoughtful questions. Don’t rush the conversation or make light of your child’s concerns. Don’t assume that things will always work out on their own.

2. Do teach kindness and role model it in your home daily. Don’t teach your child indirectly to get even or take revenge.

3. Do teach empathy by asking your child to describe how it might “feel” to be the victim of bullying

4. Do teach your child about relational aggression. Name it. Don’t stop talking just because the subject becomes uncomfortable.

5. Do everything possible to make sure your child has friends and activities outside the school’s social scene. Examples might include volunteer opportunities in the community, church groups, dancing, etc. Don’t make popularity an “above all and end all” value or goal.

6. Do model positive interpersonal relationships in your home. Don’t inadvertently model relational aggression in your own home or social circles.

7. Do talk to your child daily. Ask leading questions about your child’s peer group and interactions within that group. Try to maintain an open and honest dialogue.

Five Critical Intervention Steps for Teachers

1. Recognize

a. Recognize all forms of aggression, covert and overt in the home or away from school.

b. Be aware of what’s going on with your students.

• Talk to students who will tell you the truth.

• Watch what is going on in the hall, when kids enter the room, and during class.  

2.Name it

a. Describe the behavior you observe and call it aggression.

• Make sure all your student’s know the language of peer aggression. When you see it happening or hear it – Name it.  

3. State your expectations

a. Student’s won’t necessarily understand what teachers expect without explicit discussions about acceptable behaviors.

• Know how you want student’s to treat each other in class and tell them often.  

4. Teach an Alternative Positive Behavior

a. Create teachable moments.
• Teach some form of common courtesy that you see lacking in daily interactions between students, i.e., holding open a door for someone behind you.  

5. Reinforce new behaviors

a. Create a climate of appreciation for all students daily.

• Catch them being good friends.

• Give kids ways to help each other.

• Complement students when they are deserving.